A week off

August 30, 2014

From my title...

Well it's been a week since I went to school due to food poisoning which resulted in vomiting, diarrhea and fever. This week, it passed really fast I guess and I had pretty lots of free time but I just stayed in bed slept and slept and when I woke up I just thought of many stuffs, which led back to many flashbacks etc.

I thought of many people.. looked back at some messages. Opened my email to view certain what's app conversation history. Things were very different back then.

Those promises made to me.
Those things said.
Those people.

I looked at myself and said hey I thought I already let go of things and moved on to some lalaland or shit.

Rewind to June 2014.

  • I finally let go of many stuffs.
  • I let go of certain people who hurt me a lot.
  • forgave them, and allowed myself to move on.
I wrote about those people and then finally, at the end wrote, I forgive you and signed off then burned those things. It was like equivalent to me washing off those memories.  

I wrote the letters... Then burned them till the flames were gone.

I even had caption. 

 Then, I tweeted a tweet and pinned it on my homepage to REMIND MYSELF EVERYDAY that hey I should let go.

But .. no. 

I know moving on takes time etc but usually I'm not that idk.. 

I convince people to forget stuffs, move on, let go and they did. But for myself, I'm just stucked in one depressing corner and soon I am just that sad Rachel and not the girl who's like so positive about things (maybe to friends only) I realized I'm pretty two faced as well. What I tell people, encourage people are things I don't do. 

Eg. Don't think that you'll fail, you'll pass.
But I tell myself that I'll fail somehow. 


Also, even tho those people were involved they are so much happier or maybe, doing so much better than me despite those stuffs that happened. 

I don't know why. 

'' People who tried hurting you or who have hurt you are more happier than you '' 


Then I realized, maybe I really shouldn't care. I know it's hard. 

But from this moment, I try each day I will be caring lesser etc. I will delete one picture of things that relate to those bad memories day by day if I can't bear to delete all at once. I'll treat myself more better.

Because at the end of the day, I deserve so much more better.

Note to those who can't move on, depressed, difficulties to let go..
Really just tell yourself, you wanna move on go on..

Nobody said it's easy. 
But hey
Nobody said it will be hard as well. 

It's just how we think. How we control our minds. 

If we choose to build up a whole load of bullshit negative thoughts, we will suffer the consequences ourselves. 

And those who hurt you? Happily living. 

''We are the architects of our own destruction'' 

Remember. If you don't take control of your mind.

And choose to think correctly.

You'll. Be. Destroyed. 

By those thoughts.

xx till next time

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