Self Reflection

September 17, 2015

I think we all will experience failure whether is it towards our studies or life at some point of our life, for me it's the former; that is what I'm facing now.

After receiving back my preliminary results, I think I had a slap from majority of the subjects that I am taking. As I observed no improvements or constant results (except HCL).

Not sure if 10 was that unlucky number, but for 4 of the subjects that I took, my usual score dropped by 10 marks.

Subjects that I was good in it, suddenly became a nightmare for me; sort off. And after reflecting and analysing the problem, I figured out why. And I'm pretty glad.

  • Maths
I didn't manage to take paper 2 as I was having a high fever on that day, but still I sat for paper 1. 
For the past two papers that I took, in MYE and last year's EOY I scored 27/80. Not impressive I know, but this time round I did worse, only 17/80 (should be 20 due to a question at fault that marks were given to all). 

Did I expect that to happen? Yes. Reason being, there was no effort put in at all for maths. 

I'm someone who's not inclined or talented with numbers and ''x'' (for the exception of $) and so I have totally no interest for the subject. The last time I passed maths in secondary school was in Secondary 2 during my streamings. Did I put in effort that time? Yes. But things are so different now and that it's 180 marks worth of questions that I need to do. 

Since I have no interest in it, I can't study for it nor practice for it at all wholeheartedly. It's pretty hard. Yes, it may be an excuse but it's the truth. 

The only reason why I am still doing math, is because it's required, it's compulsory; I have to do it no matter what happens. In fact if I were to fail Maths in O's, I have nowhere to go. 

I agree that Maths is eventually something we will NOT use in our lives (except calculation of money) for majority of us if we are not in the profession of accounting etc. But do I have a choice? 

Time to time, I always wanted to just do that TYS and complete that exercise even if I just copy the answers and then trying to understand it afterwards. But I can't. 

Sometimes I hate myself for not being able to understand the same type of question over and over again. I don't know why others get it more than me. 

Perhaps I'm just way stupid in this area. 

But, I am trying to do my very best. It's scary that if I get an E8 or so,  I would have to say goodbye to that one course that I have been working so hard for since last year. Since I can't allow myself to not do it; I must convince myself to do it. 

Despite not having tuition all my life; I made it for almost every important exam. However I will not let it happen due to fluke again. 

I want to work for it. I planned my strategies and I think with that extra effort I put in during practices, I will eventually see results. I'm left with 33 days. I can. 

  • Social Studies
I remembered, that this was one of the subjects that I was very good in. Whether is it SBQ or SEQ. 

This time, I got the biggest slap of my entire 2 years of learning SS. I scored the lowest mark since Secondary 3. My marks dropped by 10 and I scored 23 instead of the 33 or 39 I scored usually. 

Shocked? Yes. As I look through my paper, I realized I made some of the most stupidest mistake I could ever make and that I actually neglected certain areas of the paper that resulted in me doing so badly. 

However, on the bright side, I have realized my mistakes and I know what to do next for it. I think I rather have this shock now, then I commit the same mistakes again during my O levels and regretting, when I see my results. 

  • Geography
I wasn't exactly really disappointed, however my marks dropped by 3.5 because, again I made some silly mistakes, like not reading the question carefully or missing out one word like ''overall'' that cost me 4 marks in total. Also, this time round during revision a day before my exam; I gave in to my tiredness and I lazed the whole day and eventually not studying for geography at all. 

I regretted it, but I realized I gave my all. And that I saw the fact that ''if I were to study, I could have gotten so much higher''. 

This taught me a lesson as well. However, with the correct strategies I have on hand, and help from my Geography teacher with the extra practices, I am ready to get that score which I always wanted to get; a score that is higher than 32 and a score which I put in every single effort that I got. 

  • Food and Nutrition
I am happy that I passed this pretty difficult paper; reason being there were no hints at all; (but I felt that digestion would come out as it was taught before our exam) and it did; however I am not good with it thus I failed the question, getting a 2 by just ''bombing'' certain key terms that I could ever remember. 

Although my marks decreased by 11 marks, I am happy I manage to spot mistakes that I have been making. And that I will need to re understand everything I have learned once more. 

Theory in food and nutrition can be easy or hard depending on your interest. Perhaps my auntie nature and my love to buy groceries, planning meals and cooking did help me a lot. 

I felt that I didn't do well for my Coursework; hence I really need to work very very hard for theory. 

I'm almost, there. But I'm not. The only thing's that stopping me may be just that little effort that I have to put in more. 

Again, I have strategies once more and I hope to share with my classmates and I am very sure they will do very well as well. 

  • Higher Chinese
To be honest, I planned to sort of drop HCL if I were to fail the exam. But things turned out differently, as I passed my paper 2 for the very first time in this 2 years. 

I am very weak in my summary writing (yeap, we have summary) and my ''zong he tian kong'' which was the choosing of verbs that fit the sentence although it was often seen as a giveaway but I am personally weak in vocabulary in Chinese hence I often have mixed or unsure decisions and I scored 4/20 this time round. However for the entire paper, I saw improvements in my summary and my 70 marks comprehension. Overall; I scored 61/110 for the paper. Although I may be the lowest for paper two in my class, while others are getting a 70+, 80+ I am happy with it as I made improvements. 

For paper one, once again I topped the class. I felt that I wrote the best essay of my life; and it was true when the results reflected. I scored 59/70 for the Essay and 71/90 overall for paper 1. I did better than the ''best in hcl'' and yes I felt happy. 

At the same time I observed that, although I may not have good vocabulary nor good knowledge of famous people that can be quoted in essays as a form of writing, I made use of simple words to create touching stories that people would learn things from it. And I made the effort to learn certain extra ordinary openings too. All thanks to tiny times, I did well. 

I probably wouldn't invest much time on HCL as I have already gotten an A1 for O's Chinese and that I won't be going to a jc, hence HCL is not needed. 

But I am taking HCL due to interest and that God has hinted me to stay for every single time when I chose to give up. And I am learning, and understanding Chinese Literature while doing all the comprehensions as well. No harms, just benefits. But I definitely hope to do better in O's and hopefully attaining a B3 or distinction, 


  • English
I was often recognised as the girl who is very good in English, but I thought the otherwise every single time when I hear the comments for I didn't do well in certain areas. 

Comprehension in paper 2 was something that I was bad at it. This time I got the biggest slap of my life. There was a 10 mark score difference from my MYE and now. Despite the paper being set higher than the O level standards, the difference was way to big as I observed weaker students doing even much more better. 

Have I took things for granted and I totally ignored English? I guess I did so. 

I never failed English in my entire life before. However this time I may, due to the absence of my paper 4 which was Listening Comprehension on the day I had my fever. 

Time to time I realize perhaps I shouldn't display my own string of thoughts in my essay regarding real life situations that were controversial. And that ''MOE'' standards couldn't accept. And that I should be just writing fake stuffs like having a green event or whatever that one could make up that sounds pretty good. Because I am often told that I was wrong and that I should  follow what the norm would write etc. 

Even for comprehension after applying certain strategies that were taught, I did badly. And I realized some mistakes could be avoided and that I actually knew the answers just that I wrote way too much and eventually out of the initial point. 


It was a very hard lesson learned that for the whole day of yesterday, I was extremely upset. However I felt a lot better after words from one of my teacher. 

I may be that girl who scored 26+ for l1r4 in prelims and scored worse in O's
I may be that girl who scored 26+ for l1r4 in prelims and score 10 in O's. 

If I want to achieve something, I will. 

With the correct strategies and effort I believe from this failure, I will be able to reach for success eventually. 

33 days, it's either we let it pass by us swiftly or we make use fully of it. 

I'm ready. 

You're so close to victory, don't you dare give up now. 

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